Grappling...

Grappling in a world full of maybes and perhaps. Just seems so defeatist accepting either. I prefer .. IT IS.
But I guess hope lives between maybe and perhaps.. and if I believe in hope then I have no choice but to live with maybes and perhaps.( tossing hair back and in melodramatic style ) So be it then !!! BUT ( I love buts).. yeah all kinds in case you're wondering.... ;-p I'll live with IT IS keeping perhaps and maybe at arms length, just in case and of course in moments when back up is required.
I suppose its called having your cake and eating it too.. I've never quite understood why we use that expression , because really what's the use of having cake when you can't eat it rite.

ps: if you can understand any of the above then you and I are on the same page today .. let's hope we do move on though. ;-)

No reason required..

Ever had days when one song keeps playing in your head.. I don't know why this happens but because I don't know why doesn't mean there is no reason so I choose to blog it.. so that its more accessable to me.... its lyrics that speaks volumes and applies to each and every one of us..
If you chance upon this post.. then this one is for you.

The Rose...
Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose. :-)

On the lighter side of life.... :-)

What's in a name..

A hellllllll of a lot if you're called Fagmie, ( pronounced Fuckme with a guttural c sound).. my apologies to those out there sharing the same name.. but lord forbid I'll call my child that.
At best it sounds like someone highly intoxicated shouting profanities at themselves.
I had the misfortunate of meeting someone with the very same name.... bewildered and amused as I was I did everything in my power not to refer to him by name least it be interpreted as an invitation albeit lacking in real intention or inclination.

True story.. names and places have NOT been changed

Getting it right.( no pun intended)

For someone who has never kept a diary of any sort nor been particularly fond of writing or reading (I'm an average reader).... I wonder why the heck I now keep up this blog. My writing is not a true reflection of me.. its just me trying hard to portray me and my everyday thoughts might I add to the best of my limited ability.

Looking back on some old posts of mine I suppress the urge to delete them immediately but after second thoughts I let them be... to remind me of who I think I am as opposed to who I really think I am.

All this uncertainly regarding my identity comes from the fact that I may be going though a mid life crisis of some sort. I hate labels and the fact that I should fall prey to a crisis that hardly compares with that of any real crisis...( ever heard of people in war torn areas claiming to be having a mid life crisis).. but it exists, people have been known to destroy their lives over it... so its seriousness is not be scoffed at and the descriptions of all the symptoms fits me like a glove. DRATttttttt!!!! .
Now... after reading a whack about the subject I've found out that there are millions out there who among many other issues... have no clue who they are too.
So maybe that's my justification for writing as someone else .. its certainly not because I can't find the words to express who I am ( wink wink).. its because I have no clue who I am.

Signed .. anon.

ps : its funny though.. I never had these thoughts when I was in my late teens or even before I got married or even for a good few years after being married.. I seemed to know who I was then or even if didn't... it didn't matter. Life was for living and living did not mean having an identity. Now why does it have to take a crisis to convince me of that now.

The impact of change...

There are days when you have a whole lot to say, others when what you've said makes no sense at all and then there are those days when you wish you had the benefit of hindsight before you said anything at all.
In essence... the impact of change can make a mockery of most of what we say but we continue to say it regardless perhaps with a hope that some words will stand the test of time.

Quiet Surrender..

I have lived with him long enough to know the way to his heart. Sadly I could not always follow. My heart and constitution is simply not strong enough to handle and frankly neither is the heart or constitution of the average person. Hence it never bothered me much in the past to want to change. Comfort zone= Average.
But this meant us going separate ways much too often and loneliness is a curse I no longer care to carry so with much coaxing and great surprise I'm venturing where I did not go before...henceforth with sullen face I go with the smallest of expectation i.e. to bring back a smile.
The world is out there so they keep telling me.